unfinished

I am but a slaving whore writhing in my utter despair
I have the occupation of an untouchable,
although in reality I get handled and manipulated all the time
Pleasuring is my mask, revenge my objective
Hate fuels the ironic motions, but love is loosely reflected.

I am but an untouchable. The shamed, tainted
Risk touching me and be engulfed by my disease.
Hopelessness. I reek of fear and worthlessness.
Pain and agony pour down my bare back
- into the void of gaping depravity.

Some have tried to crack the mask of complete serenity
Underneath the charred remains of Pompeii.
The city ravaged by anger, fear, hurt, pain, confusion, betrayal and many more siblings in torment’s family.
Good luck to the fool willing to mess with the Yellowstone’s geyser of emotions to erupt.
Good riddance to the ones who are merely tourists.

Look upon me. Gaze on my imperfections and horrors
Disapprove in my inability to manage emotions
Despise me for my yearning for pure affection
Hate me in my crutched walk of growth
Kill me with your lashes of blind teaching

But bear this in mind. I am what I am.
I was made this way
Change takes time if it comes at all
You cannot change who I am, at this point neither can I
Put me out of my pain and perhaps hope will be found.

Torment

uncontrollable trembling
convulsing on the floor
heart wreathing inside of my Chest
arms reaching for things not there

Gnarled fingers abrade the ground
mind racing, pulse drowning out sense
eyes darting, chest heaving,
Grasping for miniscule seeps of air

Eyes wide, face in an exhibition of fear
utters of mourning, pain and sacrifice
tied down without ropes
trapped but with no walls

Screams with no sound
and pain with no marks
incisions with no cuts
open heart surgery without sedatives

Transformations with no apparent rewards
anguish with constant withdrawals
muscles ridged, bones scraping
weakness bellows throughout the body

What victory is this?
What advances have I made?
What is the point?
I'm drowning in doubt

Pushing forward
although body is telling myself otherwise
hate, jealousy, self- pity, emotions
creep in to stop the advances

I want this to stop
I want to arrive there
I want to be done
There has been just too much pain

Courage subsides
mind grows dim
I need to still fight
The body gives in

A burst of determination
causes another stride forward
chains drag across the barren rocky landscape
Trying to prohibit further accomplishments

These chains are down deep
with no apparent freedom
As the life within me is draining
still I press on

arm reaches forward
to remain moving
if I halt all my progress
I fear that all will be lost

But looking up ahead
dark clouds cover the horizon
pulling myself forward to no apparent end
Guess thats what the devil would have planned

Time to press on in blind hope
Faith....

Within Four Walls

Four walls in their separate ways

All stone cold and dark with shadows

no knobs are found, just locks and keys

Chained shut from all thats out there.

Within four walls lay shelves of things

of all sizes shapes and colors

things meant to keep lost, meant to stay shut

things meant to stay hidden

Can't release, 

can't express, 

I only can hide

Jars overflow the shelves

getting brighter with every moment

the dust on them collecting

their contents screaming to be opened

Bright Florissant masks

are flowing from every where else the jars are not

masks with feathers some with glitter 

all appeasing to the eye

on the other side of each mask

the masks are not that pretty

there is ripped skin from the wearers face

the part of them that always stays attached to the masks

the beast that owns this warehouse

suffers with every mask

every masks takes apart of him

only decaying his face more

after every mask his face becomes more scarred

more hard

more calloused

more .... desperate

The true Identity of this masked monster 

remains concealed, hidden

Covered by the false presentation of himself

passionately, laboriously coating his Identity

Under inches of plastic his heart barely beats

his lungs suffocating, screaming of searing suffering

shivering in utter loneliness he can only mask himself more

The emotions he feels get strangled into Jars one at a time

Waiting for light

waiting for freedom

trapped with only himself

Trapped within four walls

Untitled

censored whispers
muted screams
gloomy nightmares
hours full of restlessness

mind whirling from endless anxiety
my mouth sewn shut by my own fears
suppressed by words of desperation
all gone with the wind.... I can't talk, not now

swiftly, slyly, evading verbal exchange
remaining concealed, shuttering in agony
lacking hope, bearings and reason
dare make a sound? (sigh) only hushed stillness

ceaseless years of muffled murmurs
speech wells up within the inner being
raw intense sentiments thrusting against brittle walls
quickly restrained gaged then stored away

just added to the heart
already full of fragile jars
simply one more to camouflage to cover up.
why should anyone dare take notice

disillusioned for so long
with no hopes of escape
endless longing, desperation
is it time to let go? ...... oh no

in emotional weakness
I blabbered out my heart's withholdings
not restricted, not censored, not planned
heart wide open, shattered glass.... just lying there broken

no words spoken
not even a sound
my heart still broken
lying there on the ground

weeks of silence
I'm still shattered glass
will I be put together
of just get walked past.