unfinished

I am but a slaving whore writhing in my utter despair
I have the occupation of an untouchable,
although in reality I get handled and manipulated all the time
Pleasuring is my mask, revenge my objective
Hate fuels the ironic motions, but love is loosely reflected.

I am but an untouchable. The shamed, tainted
Risk touching me and be engulfed by my disease.
Hopelessness. I reek of fear and worthlessness.
Pain and agony pour down my bare back
- into the void of gaping depravity.

Some have tried to crack the mask of complete serenity
Underneath the charred remains of Pompeii.
The city ravaged by anger, fear, hurt, pain, confusion, betrayal and many more siblings in torment’s family.
Good luck to the fool willing to mess with the Yellowstone’s geyser of emotions to erupt.
Good riddance to the ones who are merely tourists.

Look upon me. Gaze on my imperfections and horrors
Disapprove in my inability to manage emotions
Despise me for my yearning for pure affection
Hate me in my crutched walk of growth
Kill me with your lashes of blind teaching

But bear this in mind. I am what I am.
I was made this way
Change takes time if it comes at all
You cannot change who I am, at this point neither can I
Put me out of my pain and perhaps hope will be found.

Torment

uncontrollable trembling
convulsing on the floor
heart wreathing inside of my Chest
arms reaching for things not there

Gnarled fingers abrade the ground
mind racing, pulse drowning out sense
eyes darting, chest heaving,
Grasping for miniscule seeps of air

Eyes wide, face in an exhibition of fear
utters of mourning, pain and sacrifice
tied down without ropes
trapped but with no walls

Screams with no sound
and pain with no marks
incisions with no cuts
open heart surgery without sedatives

Transformations with no apparent rewards
anguish with constant withdrawals
muscles ridged, bones scraping
weakness bellows throughout the body

What victory is this?
What advances have I made?
What is the point?
I'm drowning in doubt

Pushing forward
although body is telling myself otherwise
hate, jealousy, self- pity, emotions
creep in to stop the advances

I want this to stop
I want to arrive there
I want to be done
There has been just too much pain

Courage subsides
mind grows dim
I need to still fight
The body gives in

A burst of determination
causes another stride forward
chains drag across the barren rocky landscape
Trying to prohibit further accomplishments

These chains are down deep
with no apparent freedom
As the life within me is draining
still I press on

arm reaches forward
to remain moving
if I halt all my progress
I fear that all will be lost

But looking up ahead
dark clouds cover the horizon
pulling myself forward to no apparent end
Guess thats what the devil would have planned

Time to press on in blind hope
Faith....